If I was a writer for The Onion

Found these in one of the many folders on my desktop titled “Writing”.

onion2

In-laws call couple’s dog “a practice baby”, despite couple never saying they were considering having a baby.

“I was thinking lentils”, said Chicago man who realized he actually does like couscous.

Even the actress who portrayed Cousin Pam in The Cosby Show thinks it’s stupid to refer to your cousin as “cousin”.

Evidence suggests actor who played the older brother in ET invented Facebook.

Local man doesn’t give a shit about wife’s Weight Watcher Points.

Mediocre comedian joins Instagram in order to “take it to the next level.”

– The Wife

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