Monologue Jokes

Here are some new monologue jokes we’ve been working on for Talk Hard.

A former Republican leader, who had made fun of Anthony Weiner on Twitter a couple months ago, was arrested this week for sexting, with a minor. It’s all part of the GOP’s new slogan, “We Don’t Know How The Internet Works!” (Monique)

Colorado police on Monday arrested a 19-year-old rapper who was recording a song about a police standoff…while in the middle of an actual police standoff. The song is entitled, “Is It Still Considered Writing If I’m Just Telling You What’s Happening To Me As It Happens?” (Corey)

This week a Michigan couple welcomed their 12th son. They’ve decided to name him, “Damn it! Again?” (Monique)

Feeling his way around and without a blueprint to guide him, a blind man in Texas is building his dream house by hand. Well, at least that’s what we’re telling him. (Corey)

In an interview this week, Sylvester Stallone called Bruce Willis “lazy” and “greedy”. At least, that’s what it kind of sounded like he said. (Monique)

Singer Chris Brown has been promoting his new album this week. The album is Brown’s 6th record, and it’s titled “X”, featuring the single “I Don’t Understand Roman Numerals”. (Corey)

A surgeon from the Russian region of Siberia was arrested after he allegedly stole some of the heroin from the stomach of the drug mule that police hired him to remove.  The doctor figured, what’s the worst they could do? Send him MORE to Siberia? (Corey)

A couple who was arrested for having a lot of oral sex on a plane could be face 90 days in jail. Can you blame them for wanting something better to eat than airplane food? (Monique)

A black bear broke into an Idaho house and ate left over Chinese from the kitchen. Then mama bear broke in and said, “These Chinese leftovers are too cold.” (Monique)

The bear was found sitting in his kitchen, licking a pan. The Idaho man who found the bear in his house said, “I don’t know if a bear shits in the woods, but I do know that I shit in my pajamas.” (Corey)

* Made it in the show!

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