If I was a writer for The Onion

Found these in one of the many folders on my desktop titled “Writing”.


In-laws call couple’s dog “a practice baby”, despite couple never saying they were considering having a baby.

“I was thinking lentils”, said Chicago man who realized he actually does like couscous.

Even the actress who portrayed Cousin Pam in The Cosby Show thinks it’s stupid to refer to your cousin as “cousin”.

Evidence suggests actor who played the older brother in ET invented Facebook.

Local man doesn’t give a shit about wife’s Weight Watcher Points.

Mediocre comedian joins Instagram in order to “take it to the next level.”

– The Wife


Lemonade band – AKA the dumbest bestest thing ever

A few weeks ago I was asked to be a part of the stupidest project ever. My friend Steve Delahoyde (of Delahoyde Projects) found a poster last summer that advertised a “band in town” called the “Lemonade Band”. They’re “a group of four girls” who promised that they’d sell lemonade “and other yummy treats” at their concerts. Read the whole story HERE. Being the hilarious, creative dude that Steve is, he knew he had to turn this into a music video… you know, like you do.

Lemonade Band

I’ve worked with Steve in the past, doing hair and makeup for his various commercial work. I was thrilled to get to be on the other side of the camera this time (well… and I did a little makeup too). From the crew to the cast, it was an absolute blast and again, really stupid. Enjoy!

Check out the Lemonade Band website at lemonadeband.com and all of Delahoyde Project at thehoyde.com.

Stuck on a ship with nothing to do. So bored!

Chicago is about to get butt-ass cold, which means we will be hibernating in our little apartment. Yes, that can get boring, but we have experience living in a tiny space for days upon days. When we were fortunate to perform with The Second City on  Norwegian Cruise Lines, people would ask what we did to stay sane for the 4 months we lived on the ship. Here’s a little glimpse.